People are Lonely.

woman looking out the windown with chin on arm

I was chatting with a friend of mine about some of their woes in attempting to make a (queer) romantic connection, and it got us thinking about what we’re up against on a societal level. 

Not simply romantically lonely. Platonically lonely, too. Strategically, it’s easier to woo someone into filling emotional voids through promises of romantic connection in a world that puts so much pressure on us to be paired off. Much easier than it is to do the work of maintaining a genuine connection without the status boost of romantic reward.

Safe to say we’ve reached a point where we’re paying the price for the systematic devaluing of non-romantic, non-familial connections. For some who are struggling, they’ve been used to those people who’ve always been around and available. The ones who are “the rock” of a friend group,  a community, or a generation. But now the folks are going to therapy, “reclaiming time,” and realizing that life is too short to wait until they’re 6 feet under to receive flowers, accolades, and respite. Lines are being drawn in the sand. 

If you’ve noticed that things feel a bit dramatic, I’ll validate that you’re probably not making it up. We may be feeling an uptick in people scheming their way into companionship. Some folks might’ve never had to genuinely put in work to have people around them and receive the emotional connections they need. And the learning curve is steep. 

I’m taking a bit of a guess here: dating, employment, and other interpersonal aspects of life would probably start to suck just a little bit less if the labor that was intended for platonic connection returned to that space and was no longer forced onto someone you matched with online last week. 

Water the connections you already have. Go out and make new ones. (If you are able, literally GO OUTSIDE). Facilitate more intentional outreach that isn’t about you making a request. Fill your life with variety: a variety of experiences, people, and commitments. 


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2 responses to “People are Lonely.”

  1. “…dating, employment, and other interpersonal aspects of life would probably start to suck just a little bit less if the labor that was intended for platonic connection returned to that space and was no longer forced onto someone you matched with online last week.”

    Whewwww chile. Thank you for saying this! It goes way deeper than just “maintaining friendships.” We have to treat allll of our relationships with respect. Look where prioritizing partnership has gotten us. Something’s got to give or we’ll all just keep becoming more miserable.

    1. We have to treat ALL our relationships with respect! Simply put. Thanks for reading 🙂

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